the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
