I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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