Don't you send me to vm
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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