don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
