i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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