lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
