He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
