is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
