If i come over, it means nothing
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
