So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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