Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
