I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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