I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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