She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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