i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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