His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
