I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
