I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
