I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
