I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize