I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
