Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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