Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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