What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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