i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
