Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
