I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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