I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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