I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
