Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
