If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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