it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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