actually, I'm a sock model
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
