we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
