I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
