I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
