You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
