the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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