I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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