I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
