my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
