I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
