I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
