I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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