Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
