once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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