My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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