so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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