my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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