Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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