I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
