I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
