is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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