thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
