She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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