I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
