There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
