yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
