I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
