Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
