I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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