Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
