The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
