I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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