I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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