Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
