Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
