This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
