yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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